Changing Faces

Sometimes I get tired of the whole dating scene... 

Example:

A black man said to me until I saw your pictures and read your profile I was ready to give up on black women. 

(This was on a Dating Site)

I said why...

He Said:

''Black women are all gold diggers, they wanna know how much money you make, what kind of car you drive, if you got a house, how is your credit score, they are loud, and come with so much drama.''

I thought wow

I'm a black woman 

This man doesn't even know me...

Now he assumes I'm different, why?

He told me his ex was part Asian and Black but as if the Asian part made her better, as if that's what he is proud of the most, and sent me a photo of her and ask if I could tell if she was part Asian.

You must like black women because her skin is darker than mine

I can't tell if she is part Asian 

He said if you met her you could see

I was thinking damn this conversation crazy...like being mix with something other than black makes her better in his eyes.

He wanted to know what was in my bloodline...

I thought he was searching for something to grab on to besides the darker side of me: 

I said my grandmother was white and Native American 

and she married a Black Man

and then Here I Am

Thinking to myself what does this man want me to be?

I have many different emotions inside of me....

Don't come to me and expect me to be the example in his eyes how a Black Woman should be.  

Then I got the White men that get fascinated with the skin 

I never been attracted to a black woman until you 

I would date you.....Your different

How am I different 

What do people see when they see me?

I get tired, so tired of all of this and I wanna run sometimes. 

It makes it easier to push them all away

To never let strangers close to me 

Then I met a man I did like and he didn't believe in a Higher Power 

No God, No Allah, No Buddha...No nothing 

I thought damn you gotta believe in something 

Do you think your life came about from nothing?

God and I are too tight-

For me to ever be with a person that doesn't believe....

That's something I can't conceive.

It's just hard out here listening to people and all the crazy stuff they want:

There's a lot of sides to me does it make me a race

If you took away the color of my skin and just saw the blood flowing within 

would it be easier to see....me, Christina, the woman.

One day I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, I can be quiet but raise hell when I'm mad, I like money shit tell me who doesn't, I like nice things does that make me more subject to a label for having a brain, I know how to wear a dress on Park Avenue and fit in on President in Brooklyn. My laugh can be loud, I can go out with any crowd. I like guns, no roses but lobster, you see!

I did and have done things that the men that try to step to me wouldn't believe.

If I told them how would they label me?

What would that label be, something that reads:

''Use caution when you proceed'' 

I can't be the example of a Black Woman don't put that pressure on me,

I learned to love myself a long time ago

I'm a woman that plays many roles

I'm happy with me:

The Black, The White, The Red, The Brown, and The Yellow 

Sometimes I get confused 

Tell me what do people want from me?

I can't be who you think I am 

Why don't you take time to see...

The part of you you’re looking for in others:

IS THE MAN YOU FORGOT TO BE!

One Love,

Self Love,

Christina Pebbles Collier